


Forgive yourself - Clenny Week 2019

by TsubasaDaisuke



Category: South Park
Genre: Character Death, M/M, SoutH Park in General, Strong Lenguaje, clenny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:40:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28034811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsubasaDaisuke/pseuds/TsubasaDaisuke
Summary: Some stories for the Clenny Week 2019, Enjoy :3
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Kenny McCormick
Kudos: 4





	1. Holiday

**Kenny P.O.V**

“Is a very quiet morning” I said looking at the sky

 _Right now I’m laying down on the snow at Stark’s Pond, also is Christmas morning. Why I’m not home? Well, there is not Christmas at home, this day my parents drink all of their saving in fancy beer and I don’t want my family near that, my family being Karen and Kevin, luckily my bro and sis are having a merry Christmas, Karen is with her friend Tricia and Kevin is with his girlfriend, so I don’t have to worry about them… Mmm? What about me? Well, I don’t want to impose myself with my friends,_ _although they did invite me, it didn’t feel correct. So, I spend my holiday at Stark’s Pond with some heartwarming homeless people_

“I suppose is time to go back” I said getting up

_I started walking home. I hope Karen had a great night, I have her present hide in my closet, I’ll give it to her when she gets back. I walk pass the school and entered the neighborhood, I looked at the houses covered in Christmas decorations, Bebe’s, Henrietta’s and Bradley’s, Stoley’s, Craig’s and then I stopped, I looked at the brown house in front of me, I think this is Clyde’s house, is weird that his house is the only one without decorations._

_I was about to keep going when the door open, it was Clyde carrying a big bag of trash on his back_

“Oh, hi Kenny” He said smiling “Merry Christmas”

“Hi Clyde, Merry Christmas” I said back

_He came close to me and put the trash in the container near the street_

“What are you doing so early outside?” He asked me

“What are you doing so early? I tough you like to sleep till 12 p.m.” I said back

“I haven’t done that in a while” He laughed “I was just cleaning a bit, my dad gets angry if I don’t clean after myself”

“I see, you two had a big party last night? Lucky you”

“Not really, we went to sleep early, the mall opens even during Christmas, so dad had to get up early to go to work, we didn’t do anything special”

“Oh, that sucks man”

“Don’t worry, I’m use to it by now”

_When Clyde said that he had a melancholic expression_

“So, what are you doing outside this early?” Clyde ask me

“You know, alcoholic parents wreaking havoc at home and my siblings spending the night with friends. So, I spend the night at Stark’s Pond” I said scratching my back

“What!? That’s awful”

“Haha, I’m used to it too”

_After that we had a little moment of silence_

“Well, do you want to come in? I’m lonely and you look like could use some company” Clyde said with a shy smile

_Mmm… I don’t want to be at home when my parents wake up, Karen and Kevin will probably come back late and my friends would want to spend the day with their families. Is Clyde or the homeless guys…_

“You have a good argument, count me in” I said and Clyde face lit up

“Great, let’s go”

_We entered his house, there was no decorations anywhere, no tree, no ornaments, nothing, my parents at least put a crappy little tree on a table, but Clyde had nothing_

“I was about to have breakfast, you want some?” Clyde asked me

“I’m ok, thanks”

“Are you sure? You said you spend the night outside, did you even have dinner?”

“I never have dinner” I said half joking half true

“What?!” Clyde said surprised “I’m making you breakfast”

“Do as you wish”

_Clyde went into the kitchen while I wait for him in the living room, Clyde has always been a kind of hyper active boy, so I thought his house would be a big mess but is clean and tidy. I got close to a table near the stairs, there was a picture of Clyde’s mom and some flowers. When we were 9 Clyde’s mom died in an accident, the saddest part is that Clyde was involved in it, he didn’t listen to his mom warnings and she paid the price. Clyde took it very hard, he tried to separate himself from his friends, he thought he was a murderer, but slowly he started forgiving himself and right now he is at a good place…_

_The main door suddenly open, it was Mr. Donovan_

“Clyde!” He yelled as Clyde came running from the kitchen

“Hi dad, d-did you forget something?” Clyde said nervously

“Yes” He said getting close to the dinning table “There were some papers here, where are they?” He said, he looked very angry

“I d-don’t know, there wasn’t anything there when I cleaned up early” Clyde said as Mr. Donovan hit the table angrily making Clyde jump

“You better not have them thrown in the trash” Mr. Donovan said intimidatingly

“I swear I didn’t, m-maybe there are in your study”

“For your own good, they better be there”

_Mr. Donovan started walking to the stairs and he finally saw me_

“Who are you and what are you doing in my house?” Mr. Donovan said

_I was about to answer but Clyde spoke first_

“He is Kenny, he is my friend, I invite him, you have meet him before, remember…” Clyde said the last part in a low voice

“Whatever” Mr. Donovan said as he passes by my side

_Mr. Donovan went upstairs, when he was out of sight, I run toward Clyde_

“What the fuck man, are you ok?” I said to Clyde, he was shaking a little

“Yeah, I’m ok. Thanks” He told me with a weak smile

“Your dad wasn’t like that before”

“Yes, since mom died, he has become stricter and colder, you know… my fault…”

“Clyde…”

_I was about to say something when Mr. Donovan came down with some papers in his hand, he gave us an angry stare and leave, Clyde fell to his knees relieve_

“Clyde!” I said panicking

“I’m ok… ok…” He said weakly

_I help Clyde getting up and we sit on the couch, Clyde was hugging himself, it was a very sad sight to be seen_

“I’m sorry for that, I didn’t think dad would be back so quick” Clyde said

“Don’t worry bud, do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really… But that’s not going to satisfy you, right?”

“You know, I don’t like to see my friends suffering, and you are my friend Clyde”

“Yeah… I’m…”

_Clyde lean to me and I hug him with one arm_

“He gets mad at you often?”

“Yes, almost every day”

“Any particular reason?”

“No that I can think about it, he usually just sees me and gets mad”

“He insults you?”

“All the time”

“What does he say?”

_Clyde tremble a little bit_

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“Ok...”

_We sit in silence for a moment. There is one more question I want to do, but I’m afraid of the answer…_

“Clyde… Your father hit you?”

_Clyde start to tremble more, he didn’t say anything, he took my hand and move it under his shirt and there it was, I didn’t want to see it and I didn’t need to see it to know what it was, it was a big and long scar, it wasn’t from a knife, I have been stab so I know how a stab wound is, I think this is from a belt. Clyde start to breath heavily beside me, so I hug him harder. We stayed like that for a while until we smell something weird_

“It smells like something is burning” I said

“Fuck, the stove” Clyde said as he run to the kitchen

_I run behind him and the stove was on fire, luckily Clyde was able to put it off but there was a big disaster everywhere, Clyde fell to the ground crying_

“God dammit, I can’t do anything right, dad is going to kill me” He said between sobs

_I sit on the floor and hug Clyde one more time_

“We can fix this, I’ll help you”

“What’s the point, I’m just going to fuck up another thing and dad is going to beat me up again”

“Come on man, don’t say that, your father can’t hit you for stuff like this, it was an accident”

_Clyde look at me angrily and push me away_

“Yes, it was an accident, is always an accident, I’m a fucking accident. Is just like my dad says, I always cause accidents because I can’t do anything right, I’m always messing stuff up, I’m useless” Clyde cried harder “I’m nothing”

_I was speechless, how long has Clyde feel like this? Since his mother death? No, Clyde has always been insecure about himself, how we never notice this?_

“Kenny…?”

_I started to cry too_

“I’m sorry Clyde…”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because I never notice you were like this, I’m your friend, I should had help you feel better”

“Ken…”

_I got close to Clyde again_

“And you are not useless, you are kind and caring. Remember when Craig and Tweek broke up because of a fight? You were the one who make them talk and fix them up, and when Jimmy broke one of his crutches? You carry him home so he could get his spare, and when the fucking mole people kidnap Ike? You were the one who found him and protect him even if you almost got eaten by those mutants. You are the best friend anyone could ask, you are always there for us when we are at our worse, so please, let me and the others help you when you are suffering, ok?”

“Kenny… you mean it?” He said, his crying deceased a little

“Yes Clyde”

“Ok… I’ll try…”

_He hugs me and I hug him back. Sometime later, after we stopped crying, we cleaned the mess in the kitchen. Clyde was still adamant about making me breakfast, so I let him, a few minutes later Clyde came from the kitchen carrying two plates_

“Here Ken” Clyde said sitting down

“Clyde, what is this?” I ask him staring at my plate

“There are breakfast turkey tacos” He said smiling

_I open the taco and there was actual turkey in there_

“Is this actual turkey? I mean, not ham or some bullshit like that”

“Yeah, I feel feisty last night and bought a small frozen turkey”

“And you cook it all by yourself?”

“Yep”

_I look at the taco again_

“What’s this orange thing in the taco?”

“Oh, that’s home-made gravy sauce”

“That you made?”

“Yeah, you should eat it before it gets cold”

“Alright”

_I gave one bite to the taco and I almost pass out_

“Oh my fucking god Clyde, this is delicious” I said while shoving tacos in my mouth

“Thanks” He said with his mouth full too

“How you dare call yourself useless when you can make stuff like this? The tortillas are home-made too, right?”

“Yep”

“Your father has eaten some of this?”

_Clyde leave his taco in the plate before answering_

“No… He always eats outside or bring food home”

“You should serve him some, maybe this is a way for you two to reconnect”

“Maybe…”

_I move close to him and hug him one again_

“Everything is going to be ok, I know it will”

“Thanks, I’ll trust you” He said with a small smile


	2. Secret - Confession

**Clyde P.O.V**

“Aaaahhh!”

_I woke up in the middle of the night sweating and heavy breathing. Another nightmare, they are making me crazy. I lay down again and reflex on my horrible dream, in it Kenny got run over by a truck. I’m sleepy but I don’t want to sleep, if I go to sleep again, I’ll just have another nightmare, they have been happening every night, every time I dream about a new way of Kenny dying. Tears started to flow, I took my phone and start a call, a few moments later I heard a yawn on the other side_

“What’s up dude?” I hear a sleepy Kenny

“Hi Kenny…”

“Hi Clyde, is everything ok?”

“Yeah, I just… I had a nightmare”

“A nightmare?”

“Yes, it felt so real…”

“Do you want me to go there?”

“No, I’m ok. Thanks Kenny, hearing you help me calm down”

“Alright, if you need anything, just call me”

“Yeah, thanks again, bye”

“Bye”

_The call ended and I sigh in relieve, Kenny is ok… but… the images are so vivid, like they actually happened… I sigh again and started playing on my phone, I don’t need to sleep…_

* * *

“Clyde, Clyde… Wake up” I heard someone calling me

“Mmm… What?” I said not wanting to get up

“Come on Clyde, you were the one who ask me to help you with this, so WAKE UP!”

_I jump out of my seat, I heard Kenny laughing behind me. We were in the mall, I’m taking cooking classes with David from La Nueva Familia and we are buying ingredients for the next session. I fall back on the seat_

“Are you ok Clyde? You don’t look so good” Kenny told me

“Yes… I just had a bad night of sleep”

“Yeah, you call me in the middle of the night”

“Sorry for that”

“Is ok, you can call me anytime”

“Thanks” I said smiling

_I look at Kenny and the images of my nightmare flashed through my eyes, my head started to hurt, I covered my eyes trying to make to pain go away_

“Clyde! What’s wrong?” Kenny ask me panicking

“My head hurts”

“Did you sleep at all last night?”

“Like 2 hours”

“That’s really bad, let’s take you home”

_Kenny helps me get up and we start walking home, Kenny is helping me walk because my head is not letting me do it on my own, I don’t have a car and Kenny shares his with his brother, so getting home is going to take some time_

_We are almost half way home and I’m finally starting to feel well enough to walk_

“Are you sure you are ok? I don’t mind carrying you” Kenny told me

“I’m good, thanks”

_We keep walking, Kenny constantly looks at me to check if I’m ok_

“Hehe, you don’t need to turn every 5 seconds Ken, I’m fine”

“Better sure than sorry” He said smiling

_Everything happened so fast, just a second ago we were laughing and now Kenny is… It was my fault…_

* * *

_I’m lying in the floor of my room, I’m remembering everything for the fifth time trying to convince myself that it is a lie, that it didn’t happen…_

_We were crossing town’s main street, no cars insight when a car going at max speed turn towards us, it was going so fast that it wasn’t going to be able to stop, I just stood there like a deer in headlights until Kenny push me out of the way, the last thing I saw was Kenny getting hit by the car, his body flying through the street. I didn’t move, I couldn’t move, so many thing were going through my head, I could only see the things happening around me, the car running away, people yelling and calling emergencies and then an ambulance taking Kenny and a police officer taking me home, I went inside and there was my dad, he started yelling at me but I couldn’t hear him, I walked pass him and went to my room, locked the door and let everything go, I cried, I yelled, I broke stuff, I threw myself to the floor and scream until I cough blood and then I pass out_

_I woke up and remember everything once… twice… many times, I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it, Kenny died saving my life, my worthless life, if I had move, if I didn’t just stand there like a retard, Kenny…_

_It was dark in my room, the only light coming from the red numbers on my digital clock, I look at it, 2 o clock, at this time yesterday I called Kenny, I pull my phone from my pocket and make a call, it rings once, twice, a third time… I started crying, it didn’t pick up, I call again as I cry harder… and…_

“What’s up dude?”

_Everything stop, it wasn’t possible, I must have gone insane_

“Clyde? Are you there?”

“Kenny…” I sob

“Are you ok?”

“I… I…”

_I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t believe this was happening_

“Did you have a nightmare again?”

_A nightmare? Did everything that happen was a nightmare…? No, my hands hurt and my knee is bleeding from hitting the asphalt_

“Kenny, where are you?”

“Me? In my house, why?”

“Can you come over?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 5”

_And the call ended, I didn’t understand what was happening, Kenny was safe and sound, but I need to see it by myself. The wait for Kenny was miserable, it felt like an eternity, my head giving me a never-ending flow of grim and confusing thoughts. I jump when I heard small hits at my window, I open it and there he was, I open the window and Kenny comes in, he looks at me and then to my room_

“What the fuck Clyde? What happened here? Are you ok?”

_I didn’t say anything, I just jump at him, hug him and cry on his chest, I needed to touch him, to feel that he was here and that this wasn’t a cruel hallucination_

“Clyde talk to me, did your father did this to you?”

_I look at him and shake my head_

“Kenny, I don’t know what’s happening, I don’t think it was a nightmare, because it felt real, I have scratches and my knee, but I can’t be real, because you are here…”

“Clyde…”

“Kenny… I saw you die a few hours ago… this car was about to run us over, but you push me out of the way and it hit you… I clearly remember seeing your lifeless body in the ground…”

_Kenny just stared at me as I keep crying_

“I know it wasn’t a dream because I was there”

“Clyde…”

“And I been having those nightmares every night, every time is you dying in a different way, like Kyle cutting you in half with a chainsaw or getting crush by a mine cart… they feel so real, but they can’t be…” I look him in the eyes “Kenny… Am I crazy?”

_Kenny hugs me and rubs my back_

“Clyde, I want you to listen to me and believe in me, ok?”

_I nod_

“Do you remember when we were kids all of the others used to call me a liar?”

“Yes…”

“Do you remember why was that?”

“I think it was because you said you had super powers”

“That’s correct, do you remember what power I said I had?”

“No… Sorry”

“That’s ok. Mmm… Do you remember when we played super heroes? When Cartman summoned Cthulhu and all of that”

“Yes…”

“That time I told you guys my power again, but no one believed me, remember?”

“Yes… I think I do”

“What happened after I told you?”

“Kyle or Stan told you that you don’t have powers and then you left angry…”

_I feel like a shock through my head, it hurts… but…_

“No… it wasn’t like that…” I said “You didn’t leave… you… you… got a gun out… and… you yelled at us to remember… and then… you shoot yourself…”

_I look at Kenny and he was looking at me with a serious face_

“Kenny… what’s going on?”

“Clyde… I’m immortal, or more precisely, if I die, I’ll wake up the next day like nothing happen and nobody will remember”

_I felt like fainting, to much information was drop on me, but at the same time, I felt like a big burden was taken off my back_

“So, I’m not crazy? You did die yesterday? Then why…?”

“I revive every day at midnight, if you had call me earlier, I wouldn’t be able to pick your call, haha”

“No…”

“What…?”

_I hit Kenny’s chest with all my strength, that wasn’t much at that moment_

“Why did you save me?!”

“What?!”

“You died Kenny, you died because of me, don’t you know how devastated I was? Don’t you know how important you are to me? If you haven’t come back I… I… I don’t know what I would do, I would probably just kill myself, because you are the only light I have in my stupid life…”

_I fell crying on Kenny again, he hugs me again tighter this time_

“You died because of me, I’m worse that a little kid, I can’t even cross a street correctly…”

“It wasn’t your fault, that asshole came out of nowhere and you weren’t in the best condition”

_Kenny pets my hair, helping me calm down_

“So, how important am I to you?” Kenny ask me smiling

“Very important” I said still on Kenny’s chest

“I see, you are also very important to me Clyde”

“Really?”

_I separate from Kenny to look at him, he comes close to me again, our faces almost touching, I get lost in Kenny’s blue eyes, Kenny moves closer and close his eyes, I do too and our lips connects. We kiss, I feel myself floating away, this is more that I can endure… after we separate to breath, I fell on top of Kenny, unable to move anymore_

“Clyde!!”

“Kenny… I love you…”


	3. Alter Egos

**Kenny P.O.V**

_I was jumping from house to house, I’m wearing my Mysterion costume, after what happened with Clyde I need to get my head together and there is only one person in town I can talk to…_

_I jumped from a billboard to the center of the warehouse, the U-Stor-It, so many things had happen here, some good, a lot bad. I open the door of one storages and the lights blind me, I cover my eyes and walk back_

“Hahaha, did you like my lights trap Mysterion? I haven’t turn them on in so long, I was wondering if they still work” I heard from inside

“Chaos!” I yell back

_My sight slowly got better but Chaos didn’t want to give me time to recover, Chaos rush at me and throw a punch at my face, I barely block it, Chaos then throw firecrackers between the two, making us both jump backwards_

“So, what is it? What make you want to have this little reunion?” Butters asked

“I’ll tell you after I have you pin to the ground” I said

“Oh, kinky, hehe”

* * *

“Kenny” Said a smiling kid running towards me

“Hey Buttercup” I said catching him in my arms and giving him a kiss

_We were in or last year of middle school, Butters had become a regular member of our group, a while after that he confessed his feelings for me and we started dating_

_Butters has always been my best friend and being boyfriends didn’t really change a lot between us, they guys always said that we were right for each other. We were very happy, until they started to happen…_

“Are you ok Butters?” I ask my boyfriend

“Mmm… Yeah, I’m ok”

_We were in the library working on a project, but Butters looked like he was about to fall asleep at any moment. He had been like this for the last few days and I’m starting to worry_

“I’m going to kick your sorry excuse of an ass tonight” Butters said while walking back home

“Wow, shall I remind you that my ass is one of the eight wonders of earth?”

“There are only seven wonders”

“My ass is the eighth” We both laugh “Hey Buttercup, what about of we skip tonight game?”

“What? But we always fight at Friday night”

_Since we were kids Butters and I always fight once a week, him as Professor Chaos and me as Mysterion, we had never hurt each other seriously, we used to do it for fun, now we do it to remind us to never lose that little spark we had as kids, is a tradition none of us want to lose_

“Why do you want to cancel it?” Butters asked me

“Butters, you had look very tired for some days, are you ok? Maybe you are sick”

_Butters looked at me and then laughs_

“Are you worried for that? Don’t be, I been losing sleep because of school, but I’m ok”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m” He says, kiss me and walks to his house “See you tonight Ken”

_As he leaves I can’t shake of this bad feeling I have_

* * *

_I’m in the middle of the U-Stor-It, my bad feeling growing greater by the minute, I hear a laugh above me, I climb one of the storages and there was Butters in his Chaos costume, I love Butters in his costume but now he look horrible in it, he is sweating and I can see he is breathing fast, he is forcing himself to be here. Before I could say anything, Butters jump at me and the fight starts_

_Butters may be suffering right now but he is still very capable of betting me down, the fight goes for almost an hour, I jump to another storage to keep distance and to give Butters a chance to breath, but he doesn’t stop and jumps after me, but he trips at the last second, I can only watch in horror as my boyfriend fall from the 5 meter building_

“BUTTERS!!!”

_I climb down to find an unconscious kid on the floor, I can see one of his legs is broken, he is still breathing, thank god the Chaos’ helmet actually works or Butters would have broken his head, I’m afraid of moving him. I call an ambulance and it arrives a few moments later, I explain everything to the paramedics as they take us to the hospital. As we arrive Butters is taken inside, soon medics and nurses swarms around him, they ask me to wait outside. Butters parents arrive moments later, his mother is taken to where Butters is, while his father waits with me blaming me for everything and he is right, I could have prevented this, if only I had listened to my feeling, if I only had talk more to Butters, but all of that is useless right now…_

_Is morning already, Butters parents have left to go to work leaving me alone, I haven’t sleep either, I need to be awake when Butters wake up, the medics haven’t tell me anything and Butters parents didn’t want to tell me_

_Death has always been natural to me, I have never felt something when someone dies, but Butters is different, just the thought of losing him, send shivers down mi spine and make my eyes tear up_

“Excuse me, are you Kenny?” A nurse talks to me waking me of my trance

“Yes, I’m”

“Leopold have wake up and he wants to talk with you”

“How is he?! Is he alright?!”

“Yes, yes. He have a broken leg, some broken ribs and a small concussion on the head, but overall he is fine” She says with a smile “Come on, I’ll take you with him”

_Never words has made me so happy and so guilty, we walked to a room in the second floor, the nurse let me go in and then left_

“Kenny…” Said a weak Butters

“Leo!” I said running to him

_I wanted to jump and hug him, but that will damage him, I stopped right in front of him_

“Hi Leo…”

“Hi Ken…”

“I’m sorry, this is my fault” I said with tears in my eyes

“Is not, I insisted into fight when I knew I was in bad condition”

“I know, I should have stopped you”

_Butters took my hand and pull me into a weak kiss_

“Leo…”

“Hey Ken, I want to ask you something”

“What is it?”

“Remember when I said I had sleep problems because of school, well, I was lying”

“What? Then, why?”

“I been having nightmares for a little bit more than a week”

“Nightmares?”

“Yes, really real nightmares, in them you die Ken”

“What?!” I walk some steps back

“Every time I fell asleep I have a new one. I tried to ignore them but one of them stuck with me”

“W-What was about?”

“It was about when we played super heroes, we were in Cartman’s basement, you guys lock me up in a cell, then captain hindsight appeared and then you tell everyone about a power you have and to remember and then you shot yourself”

_I stared at Butters the entire time he was talking, this couldn’t be possible_

“Kenny, what I want to ask you is, did that really happened? I know it sound stupid but it felt so real, something in me is telling me that it did happened, but I want to heard it from you”

_I was speechless, should I tell him? How many years had pass since that day? The day I give up, I stop thinking someone will remember, but…_

“Leo, do you really remember?” I said tears flowing

“Yes Ken”

_I hug Butters carefully and he hug me back_

“Leo, thank you, thank you for remembering and I’m sorry, because of that you…”

“It’s ok Ken, it wasn’t your fault” He said giving me a kiss

“But why? How is this possible? No one has ever remember before”

“I don’t know but we are going to figure this out together, ok?”

“Yeah, we are”

_But we never did. Butters parents banned me for visiting him in the hospital and after he was discharged they send him to live with an aunt to Denver, we tried to have a long distant relationship, but Butters family blocked us at any opportunity they had, so a year after the accident Butters and I decided to break up, two years after that Butters came back to South Park, he had gotten a job and live away from his family, he also got a new boyfriend and they live together in an apartment. Butters and I returned to be best friends_

* * *

“So, Clyde can remember too?” Butters asked me

“Yeah, I never saw it coming”

_It was almost morning, our fight ended a while ago and now we were talking on top of one of the storages, ‘The storage’ to be more precise_

“Well, that solve the mystery of how we can remember” Butters said

“It does?”

“Yeah, is love”

“Love?”

“Yes, I started remembering after we started dating, after we fell in love with each other and now is the same with Clyde”

“I don’t think is that simple”

“You said Clyde love you and you have been seeing him too often” Butters said smiling

“I don’t… I don’t love Clyde”

“Yeah, whatever you say” Butters sass me

“It’s true”

“Since we broke up you haven’t been in a relationship, right? Am I that hard to forget?”

“Butters…” I growl at him

“Hahaha, I’m joking. You haven’t been in a relationship because you are scared, scared that they’ll end up as me”

“What? How did you…?”

“We have been best friend for more than 15 years, you can’t hide anything from me”

“We weren’t friends when we were babies”

“My point is, you love Clyde and Clyde love you, why not give it a chance? You might like the result”

“When did you became this wise, Leo”

“I have always been wise”

“Yeah, sure”

“Hehe, I think is time to leave and you have a cute brunette to return to”

“Shut up” I said standing up

“Hey, let’s have brunch on Saturday, I’ll bring Bradley and you can bring Clyde”

“Sure, but I need to ask Clyde”

_Before leaving I turn to Butters and hug him_

“Thanks Buttercup”

“You are welcome Ken, see ya”

“See you”

* * *

_I sneak back into Clyde’s bedroom, Clyde wasn’t on his bed where I left him, I looked around and found him in a corner crying_

“Clyde!”

“Kenny” He stand up and jump at me “Thank god, I was so worried”

_I hug him and pet his back_

“Why were you worried?”

“After everything that has happened I don’t even know what real and what’s not, I was afraid that you being here was just an hallucination and you were still dead”

“I’m sorry Clyde, I shouldn’t had left you alone”

“Where were you?”

“I went to walk to get my head together”

“I see…”

_We went to the bed and lay down still hugging_

“So Clyde, you love me?”

_Clyde turn red in an instant_

“W-What?! How do you…?”

“You say it before passing out yesterday”

“I don’t… I mean… I…”

_I pull Clyde into a deep kiss, his eyes grew wide and a second later he returned the kiss. We separated to get air, Clyde looked like he was about to pass out again_

“I love you too Clyde”

_Clyde give me a short kiss_

“I love you Ken”


	4. Death - Dying - Grief

**Kenny P.O.V**

_Clyde and I have been dating for a month now, he also recovered completely from the whole death nightmares thing, I’m so glad, he suffered a lot for that, but I have another problem now. Clyde has been down recently, I’m afraid the nightmares are returning…_

“Well… See you tomorrow…” Clyde told me at his doorstep

“Clyde, is ok if I spend the rest of the day with you? I mean, we are boyfriends” I said with a shy smile

“I… I would prefer to be alone for now, I’m sorry” Clyde said and then entered his house

_I was left outside very worried, I walked away a few steps and then stop, I need to do something, I walked back and started banging on Clyde’s door_

“Clyde! Open up” I yell

_A few moments later Clyde open the door, he looks a little scared_

“Kenny… What are you…?”

_I put my hands on Clyde’s shoulders and look at him in the eyes_

“Clyde, please tell me what’s going on”

“Kenny… No…” Clyde tried to say

“I’m done with this Clyde, I’m done with seeing someone I love suffering and not doing something. When you were having the nightmares you almost went insane, if I had only talk to you earlier…”

_With Butters was the same, because I didn’t talk to him sooner he almost died_

“Please Clyde, if something is wrong, if something is bugging you please tell me I love you, so please trust me”

_After that Clyde hug me and cry on my shoulder, we went to the couch and wait to Clyde to calm down_

“Kenny, this time of the year dad is always very hard on me, I so tired, I just want to sleep till everything is over”

“Why is that?”

“Tomorrow is my mom mournful anniversary”

_Everything make sense now_

“I see, I’m sorry Clyde”

“Is ok, it happen every year, so I’m used to it”

“Yeah, that’s how anniversaries work”

“Shup up Ken”

“Hehe, sorry”

_Clyde rests his head on my lap as I pet his hair_

“What do you usually during this date?” I ask Clyde

“Nothing really, my dad locks me inside the house so I don’t have anything to do”

“Your dad locks you?”

“Dad says that that way I won’t cause any accidents that day”

“Your father is an asshole”

“Is ok Kenny, don’t worry”

“Is not ok Clyde, you didn’t do anything that deserve that”

“I kill my mom”

“You didn’t kill your mom, it was an accident”

“An accident that happened because of me”

“Clyde…”

_We stayed like that for a while, I want to do something to help Clyde get better, to help him stop blaming himself for his mother’s death, it has been 10 years now, is time for Clyde to heal that wound and move forward and I think tomorrow will be the perfect day to start_

“Clyde, what do you want to do tomorrow?”

“Me? I would want to go to the cemetery and see my mom’s grave”

“Alright, I’ll take you there”

“What? Really? But what about my dad?”

“After he leaves I’ll bust you out”

“Ok, let’s go”

* * *

_I’m outside Clyde’s house, it’s 10 am and his father hasn’t leave to work yet, suddenly I heard loud noises coming from inside and Clyde screaming, I run towards the house and before I reach it the door opens, I hide to the side of the house, I see Clyde’s father leave and drive away, I wait a moment until he is out of sight and then run to the front door, it’s close like Clyde said, I start lock picking it, is a talent I’m not proud of but now is really useful. It took me a few minutes but I finally enter, inside there is a crying Clyde in the couch, he has his hand on his right eye… Please don’t tell me…_

“Hi Kenny…” Clyde says to me with a broken voice

_He tries to be cheerful but is obvious he is in pain, Clyde takes his hand of his eye and I see it, Clyde has a purple eye courtesy of his father, I run at him and hug him and he hugs me back_

“Come on, we need to go before he comes back” Clyde says with his voice still broken

“Let’s wait a little bit until you are better” I say about to cry myself

“Ok…”

_After we were both calm we started walking towards the church, in the way Clyde bought some flower for her mother’s grave_

“What do you have there?” I ask

“Is a bouquet of red tulips, my mom like it a lot”

“I like them too”

“You can have one of you want”

“Nah. You should keep them, I don’t want to ruin the bouquet”

“This flowers are very popular where my mom was born, the red ones represent love”

“Your mom didn’t born in South Park?”

“Nop, she is from Holland”

“Holland? That means your mom was Dutch?”

“Yep, and that make me half Dutch”

“I never knew about it, are there other secrets you are keeping?” I said jokingly

“Not that you need to know”

_After some more walking we reach the cemetery beside the church, after talking a bit with Father Maxi he let us in_

“I hope your dad is not here”

“No, he usually came after he leaves work”

_We were the only people there, the grave was near the end, we arrive to it and Clyde put the flowers in front of it_

“I miss her Kenny”

“I know Clyde” I said hugging him with one arm

“If only I had not…”

“Not Clyde, don’t think like that”

“Why not?”

“She wouldn’t want it”

“How did you know?”

“I know because I been there before, remember?”

“Mmm…”

“When I die, the thing that hurt me the most is not the pain of my body or the fact that no one will remember it, is, before I lose consciousness, see the faces of my love ones, they are always sad, hurt, crying. I hate it, I don’t want to see them like that, not with those faces full of pain”

“… Kenny, how does it feel to be death?”

“I don’t know man. I mean, it depends. Sometimes I die and wake up in bed moments later, other times I go to hell, everything hurts there and other times I go to heaven and everything is good there. I think where I end depends on how I act before my last death”

“When you were in heaven, did you saw my mom there?

“Sorry Clyde, I don’t remember a lot about heaven, I just remember going and entering there, but after that everything is blurry”

“I see… So, you think she blame me for what happened?”

“Of course not”

“… She should”

“Clyde…”

“Because it was my fault” Clyde said with tears in his eyes

“It wasn’t…” I tried to say

“It was!” Clyde yell at me “Stop trying to say otherwise, I did kill her, even if it was an accident, it happened, it was my fault and you know what I hate Kenny? I hate that people treat me like it didn’t happened, that’s why I don’t hate my dad, even if he beats me up, he is the only one who says it and treat me like everyone should, like a killer, like a murderer, like a bastard that killed his own mother…”

_Clyde fell on his knees crying, I kneel down and hold him_

“Ok Clyde, let’s say that’s right, still your mother wouldn’t blame you, because you didn’t want it to happen, right?”

“No… I didn’t…”

“See, that’s why you don’t need to blame yourself”

“But… but…”

“I know that your mom has forgiven you since a long time ago, and you too need to forgive yourself”

“I don’t know Kenny, I don’t think I can…”

_Suddenly a bright light started to shine beside us, I hug Clyde to protect him in just in case. We look at the light, it was coming from the flowers Clyde bring, as the light started to dim the flower started to lose its color, when the light disappeared the red tulips had turned white. Clyde started to cry staring at the flowers, Clyde said that the red tulips represent love, does the white ones represent hate? Why did they turn white? Is this a way to say that Clyde’s mom don’t forgive him for what happened?_

“Clyde… I’m sorry man…”

_Clyde look at me and he is smiling_

“Why are you sorry?” He ask me

“The flowers…”

“Oh yeah, you don’t know what white tulips represent, right? White tulips represent forgiveness”

“Forgiveness? That means…”

“Yeah, I think you were right, my mom don’t blame me for anything”

“That’s awesome dude” I said and kiss Clyde “I’m so happy for you”

“I still miss her, but is good to know she is somewhere looking after us”

“Both of us?”

“I think she already love you too Ken”

“And what about you? What are you going to do now?”

“I guess… I’ll keep moving on, I can’t disappoint her”

“I’m so glad”

* * *

_We left the graveyard around 3 pm, Clyde said his father would arrive around that time and we wanted to stay as long as we could_

“Hey Ken, can I ask you for a favor?”

“What is it?”

“I need you to lock pick something for me”

“Sure, what is it?”

“Is a safe on my dad’s room, there is something I need from there”

“What do your father have there?”

“Something he need in order for him to move on too”


	5. Food

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning  
> I don’t know who to cook or anything similar, so all the cooking in this chapter is made up :3

**Clyde P.O.V**

_I woke up with the sun rays entering through my window, today is the day I’m going to put my plan in motion to help my dad how Kenny help me yesterday. I went down stairs and found my dad reading the newspaper on the couch_

“Good morning dad” I greet him

_He didn’t say anything, he keep reading_

“Did you already had breakfast? I can cook you something”

_My dad stood up and grabbed his keys_

“I’m leaving” He said

“Oh, ok. Have a good day”

_He looks at me and then leave, he looks calm, I take my phone and call Kenny, I hope is not too early, Kenny arrives a few minutes later with tools in hand_

“Hi Kenny” I hug and kiss him

“Hi Clyde, your eye looks better”

“Thanks, do you need that many tools?”

_Kenny had a bag with tools, some I haven’t seen before_

“Opening a safe if harder than a door and there aren’t that many, some of them are just big”

“Ok but try not to leave a mark on the safe, I don’t want my dad knowing”

“I won’t, show me where it is”

“All right, follow me”

_We went upstairs and to my dad’s studio, here is where my dad do all of his shoe store paperwork, receipts, orders and all of that_

“The safe is next to the desk” I said

“I see it”

_Kenny put his tools on the floor and start to work, he has some weird nippers and some curved wires_

“So, what are we looking for?” Kenny ask me

“We are looking for a recipe”

“A recipe? For what?”

“Mom’s Lemon Bars”

“Ok, I’m starting to understand… but if you want to explain it”

“Hehe ok, those bars were my mom’s specialty, we love them and my mom was so proud of them. I think if my dad eat my mom’s lemon bars he will get better”

“I see, but then, why does your father have the recipe lock here?”

“After mom pass away he tried to recreate the bars but he wasn’t able too, this recipe is the last thing dad has from mom, so he wants to keep it safe”

“And he won’t give it to you?”

“He would kick my ass if I ask him”

“Sound like something your dad would do”

_We heard the main door open and our blood turn cold, my dad had come back_

“Clyde! Where are you” We heard coming from down stairs

“What do we do?” I ask Kenny

_We heard steps coming up stairs, Kenny grabbed his tools and we hide underneath the desk, there was barely any space, but we both manage to enter there_

“Clyde! Where the fuck are you?! Where did he went?” He heard outside the room

“This is bad Kenny”

“Ssshhhh”

_Dad entered the room, he took something from a file cabinet and left the room, we thought we were safe until my phone ring, I answer it at the first ring_

“Hi dad” I tried to sound as natural as I could

“Where are you Clyde? Why did you left as soon as I did?”

“I’m with David, I already had plans with him, you know, the cooking lessons”

“I don’t know why you are paying for that shit if you know they aren’t going to work”

“I’m not paying, David is teaching me as a friend and they are working, I know how to prepare lots of stuff”

“Yeah, whatever you say, but the next time you leave tell me where you are going, sadly you are still my responsibility, what you should do is get a job so you can disa…”

_I hung up, I already know where the talk was going and I didn’t want to listen to that, Kenny clean a tear from my cheek, I didn’t know I was crying_

“Are you ok?”

_I nod_

“What did he say?”

“Nothing new, so don’t worry”

_Kenny hugs me and kiss my forehead, even if we are in a very tight space, I needed that. We wait until my dad car leaves, after that we came out from below the desk_

“I was starting to enjoy that” Kenny says while stretching

“Why is that?”

_Kenny move close to me erasing all the space between us_

“You know, I love to be close to you” Kenny says seductively

“I love that too” I hug him and kiss him “But we need to get this thing before he comes back, again”

“Alright, let’s have fun later after we finish this”

“Sure”

_Kenny took an hour to open the safe, thankfully dad didn’t come back again, I saw the recipe and I think I know why my dad wasn’t able to replicate it, it was because the recipe was a big mess, I think my mom never rewrite the recipe on clean paper, there were blots on the entire thing, some parts are unreadable, especially the last two ingredients and some parts of the preparation_

“I don’t think this is going to work, Ken”

“We come this far, let’s give it a try”

“Ok, let’s go”

* * *

_We walk to the historic district, here is where the almost all the restaurant are in town, behind the district there are apartment where most of the restaurant owners live, we are here to visit the owner from La Nueva Familia. We enter the apartment building and we reach the door we were looking for, we knock at the door and a Latino boy of our age open it_

“Hi guys, we were waiting for you”

“Hi David” We greet him

_I give him a hug and Kenny wave at him_

“Thomas, Clyde and Kenny are here!” David yell at the apartment

“SHIT, I’m coming” We hear from inside “Hello” Thomas run at the door and wave at us

“Hi Thomas” Kenny greet him

“Thanks for helping us” I tell them

“We haven’t even started, come in” David told us and we walk inside

_When we were kids David move here with his family and they open a restaurant of Mexican food, they arrive when the town was trying to bigger and more relevant, but that only last for a few time, when the town returned to normal David’s family was going to leave too, but he decided to stay, we were 16 when that happened, David became the owner of his family restaurant and lived alone for some time, until he started dating Thomas and now they live together_

_Thomas was a kid who move from town to town, his parent where trying to find a place where people would accept Thomas’ problem, his Tourette’s syndrome, he lived in South Park for some time but then he left. Later on he returned on his own saying that this is the town he felt better, he became friends with David and then started dating, usually people don’t like Thomas swearing because of his Tourette but David doesn’t care, he says that when he was young he heard so much swearing that Thomas’ Tourette is nothing_

_David is a really good chef all thanks to his work experience, Thomas on the other hand is not as good cooking but his pastries are the best in town_

“Did you bring the recipe?” David ask me

“Yes, here it is” I said and give it to him

“Mmm… This is something” David said “Thomas, you thing we could make this?” He said giving the recipe to Thomas

“SHIT FUCK…I mean, we could try”

“Let’s go to the kitchen” David said

_The kitchen wasn’t big enough for the needs of a main chef and a baker, but they somehow manage to share it_

“Ok, we can make out the basic ingredients and their quantities, flour, baking powder, butter, sugar, eggs” David said

“What we are missing are the main ingredients, ASSHOLE, the lemon juice and the lemon zest” Thomas said

“We are also missing the cooking time and the temperature, I suppose those where the parts my mom struggled the most and that’s why they are so blurry in the paper” I said

“And are those very hard to get?” Kenny asked

“More or less, we are going to need to guess those parts, have Clyde taste them to compare and adjust the recipe from there” David said

“SHIT, we the ingredients we have we should be able to do 5 or 6 batches” Thomas said

“Alright, let’s do this” I said

_The first try came quickly, we combine my mom’s recipe with Thomas own recipe_

“What do you say?” David ask me

“I say they are delicious” Kenny said

“They are, but… they are not like my mom’s” I said

“ASS, what would you change?” Thomas asked me

“More lemons and maybe make them crispier” I said

“Ok, let’s try that” David said

_We made batches 2 and 3, both crispier and one with more zest and the other with more juice, I test both_

“And?” Thomas asked me

“No, they don’t taste the same…” I said depressed

“Don’t worry, you guys can do it, I know you can” Kenny said as he hugs me

“Thanks Ken”

“What do we change now?” David said

“Let’s try more of both juice and zest, and let’s make them softer, the crispier ones crumble too easily” I said

“Alright” Thomas said

_We baked batch 4 and it still didn’t taste enough like lemon and we screw batch 5 because we made it too acid… We only had ingredients for one more try and we didn’t know what to do_

“With the ingredients we have, how do we make it taste more like lemons, without making it too acid and that have a good consistence?” David said

“FUCK, I don’t know” Thomas said

“Well, at least we tried” I said “The only winner here was Kenny, because he ate all of the leftovers”

“And I’m going to get fat because of that, thank you” He said sarcastically “But don’t give up just yet, are you sure you guys tried everything”

“I can’t think on anything that can do all three things together” David said

“What about syrup?” Kenny said

“Syrup?” I said

“Yeah, lemon syrup, it taste like lemons, is sweeter and sticky, so it has consistency, or is that too stupid?” Kenny said

“SHIT, that might work” Thomas said

“But we already have all the ingredients, unless your mom didn’t use juice or zest, also we don’t know how much we need to use” David said

“Let’s do it, we’ll use syrup instead of juice and I’ll decide how much we’ll put” I said

“Ok, let’s try this out” David said

_As suggested by Kenny for the last batch we used lemon syrup, because the syrup was stickier preparing the dough was harder, we also needed to change the temperature and cook time, this was the last chance we had. We took the bars out of the oven, this was it, we cut the bars and I took one and…_

“Clyde…?” Kenny said

“These are…” I said with tears rolling down my cheeks “These are mom’s lemon bars…”

_Everyone celebrate and run to hug me, I was so happy, I can’t believe I’m eating my mom’s lemon bars again, Kenny gave me a deep kiss, he was crying too_

“I’m so glad for you Clyde”

“Thanks Kenny and David and Thomas, I would have make it without you”

“Anytime Clyde” David said

“FUCK, that’s what friends are for” Thomas said

_We celebrate and finish eating the bars, I was so happy, but there is one more thing to do…_

* * *

**Kenny P.O.V**

_The door of Clyde’s house open, it was his dad_

“Clyde!” He yell as he enter

“He is here Mr. Donovan” I said, I was sitting on the couch “We were waiting for you”

“You are Clyde’s friend, where is my useless son”

“He is in the kitchen, he is finishing baking something for you”

“Baking? Like my son could do something like that”

“Clyde is more talented that you think”

“Yes, whatever, tell him to come to my studio when he finishes”

_He tried to walk to the stairs but I stop him_

“Sorry sir, but you are going to wait for Clyde here, I promise you won’t regret it”

“Get out of my way or I make the police move you”

“And they’ll probably do it, right after I tell them that you physically assault your son”

“You bastard”

“Hey Kenny, stop annoying my father” Clyde said entering from the kitchen

“He asked for it” I answered

“Clyde… are those…?” Mr. Donovan said

“Yes, I’m sorry, I took my mom’s recipe from your safe” Clyde said

“How dare you…” Mr. Donovan said, he looks super pissed

“Before you say something I want you to taste them” Clyde said

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Dad please, I promise that you’ll like them”

“Shut up Clyde! Why did think you could make them? You know you can’t make anything right…!”

_Mr. Donovan looked like he was about to attack Clyde, so I took him by the arm to stop him, he looked at me, he was full of rage_

“Dad please, just eat one and then I do anything you say, I promise”

_Mr. Donovan relaxed and smile_

“Alright, after I eat one you will leave this house and never return and you will stop using the name Donovan”

“What?! Why…?” I tried to say

“Deal” Clyde said

“Clyde…!” I yell, but it was too late

_Mr. Donovan walked towards his son, Clyde leave the lemon bars on the dining table and Mr. Donovan sit down. He bite one of the bars and froze, after a moment tears started to flow. Yes, Clyde has done it. Mr. Donovan finish the bar and speak_

“Ok, I did it, now leave”

_What?!_

“Yes father” Clyde said and leave the house

“Wait! Clyde!” I run after him

_I leave the house and Clyde was walking away_

“Clyde, you can’t do this, he can’t kick you out of your house” I said

“I promise I would do anything he said”

“But…”

_Clyde turned towards me and what I saw broke me_

“But did you see it? He is finally ready to move on”

_Clyde sounded happy, but he was crying yet smiling, I hug him with all my might_

“Yes Clyde, you did it… you did it”

_Clyde hugs me and cry harder, for his father, the man that don’t love him anymore, he sacrificed everything, he has lose his mom, his home and his dad abandoned him. He has lose everything_

“Kenny… can I stay with you for a few days…? Until I know what to do…”

“Yes, you can stay all the time you need”

_But Clyde still have me, I know I’m not much, but I will never leave him_


	6. First

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning  
> This is a sexy chapter, if you don’t like sexy stuff, I recommend you skip it, this is an M rated story, and if you skip it, see you next chapter, Ta-ta :3  
> You have been warned

**Clyde P.O.V**

_It’s have been a month since my dad kick me from his house, since then I haven’t seen him, Kenny told me that he left town, he hates me enough to not want to live in the same town as me. Right now I live with Kenny, my old house is for sale and Kenny wants to buy it, that day after I got kick he got a job as a mechanic, he says he needs to get money for us, which is very reassuring, as for me, I haven’t done anything, I barely leave Kenny’s house or his room, I know I’m a burden to Kenny, he and his brother Kevin are the only income for the family and now they have another person to feed_

_Right now I’m laying down in Kenny’s bed, there is a fight going on between his parents in the kitchen, apparently that’s very normal around here. There was a knock at the door_

“It’s open” I said

“Hi Clyde, can I come in?” Karen said peeking his head through the door

“Sure” I said still laying on the bed

“Thanks, this is the room farther from the fight and I need a place to do my homework”

“Mmm…”

“Clyde, can you help me with something?”

“What is it?”

“Is just a few questions, I need you to answer them honestly”

“Ok, I guess”

“Thank you. First question, what’s your full name?”

“Clyde”

“Clyde what?”

“Just Clyde”

“I thought your name was Donovan”

“Not anymore”

“Ok… I need to put a last name here, so… I’ll put Clyde McCormick”

“What? Don’t put that”

“Why not? You and Kenny are going to marry someday, so what’s the problem?”

_My face turn red, and I sit down to face Karen_

“WTF Karen? We are not… Kenny and I… Why did you…?”

“Why don’t you try finishing a sentence?”

“You are full of shit today lady”

“Ok, let’s keep going, how old are you?”

“I’m 19”

_I lay down in bed again_

“When is your birthday?”

“April 10”

“Wow, so you are a few weeks younger than Kenny”

“Yeah, I’m. Why are you asking me all of that? You want to kidnap me or something?”

“Nop, is for psychology class, is not about the answers, is about how you answer them”

“You are 14, why do you have psychology class?”

“I’m pretty smart”

“Yeah, you are”

“With your answers right now, you are going into… heavy depression”

“Go figure”

“Should I tell Kenny?”

“He probably already know”

“Ok… Let’s continue. Which is your dream work?”

“… I don’t know, I don’t think I have any”

“Ok, where do you see yourself in 10 years?”

“Probably death”

“Mmm…”

_Karen come close and took my hand_

“Don’t say that. Do you want to know where I see you in 10 years?”

“Where?”

“You and Kenny living together being happy” She said smiling

“That would be good…”

_The fight in the kitchen finally stop_

“Looks like my parents are over, I’m going to Kevin’s to ask him the same questions” Karen said taking her stuff “And don’t worry Clyde, things will get better, you just have to keep trying” She said and left the room

“But what if… I don’t want to keep trying…” I said into the empty room

* * *

_I spend the rest of the day on the room doing nothing, after my talk with Karen I think I know what I must do and I’m going to start tonight, but first I need to talk to Kenny. It was late and Kenny should arrive at any moment, I heard the main door opening and a few moments later Kenny entered the room_

“Hi Clyde, how was your day?” Kenny said and sit in the bed with me

“Hi Ken, it was fine, nothing to brag about” I said and hug and kiss Kenny “How was your day?”

“Very good actually, one of the workers didn’t came to work and I had to replace him, and our boss pay me extra for doing both his work and mine”

“That’s great, but was it too tiring doing all of that?”

“Not at all and it was a good chance to show what I’m capable of doing”

“That’s good then” I said smiling

_Kenny stared at me for a moment_

“What’s wrong?” I asked

“Nothing” He said smiling “It’s just that I haven’t seen you smile for a while, I love your smile Clyde”

_I blush a little, I came close to Kenny and give him a deep kiss, we hug each other our bodies touching, we broke the kiss because we needed air, I pull Kenny’s shirt off, he smiles and do the same with mine, Kenny push me to the bed and lay down on me, we were both heavy breathing_

“I love you Ken”

“I love you too Clyde”

_We kiss again, this time with more lust. My hand remains on Kenny’s back, but his where all over me, my chest, my stomach, my back. I usually don’t like when people touch me with out my shirt but with Kenny is different, he makes me feel special, he makes me feel wanted_

_As the kiss continued, I move my hands down to Kenny’s pants, I tried to pull them down, but Kenny stops me, we brake the kiss and look in each other eyes_

“Are you sure Clyde? We don’t need to do this if you are not ready”

_Every other time we tried to do this I bail at the last second, I must have annoyed Kenny to no end, but he never blamed me… but not today_

“I’m ready. I need you Ken”

_We resume kissing, I pull of Kenny’s pants and soon after he does the same. We are completely naked, Kenny on top of me, naked Kenny is breathe taking_

“You like what you see?” He asks me

“Dork” I say and we laugh

_Kenny kiss give a small kiss and he moves downward, he kiss my chin, my neck, my chest and nipples, my stomach, until he reaches what he was looking for, he gives a small kiss on my tip and then slowly starts to suck it, Kenny’s mouth feels warm, I gasp as he goes up and down, it feels so good that I may pass out and then he suddenly stops_

“Why did you stop?” I ask wanting more

“We can’t finish just yet” He says smiling

_Kenny grabs my legs and expose my butthole, I’m super nervous, I heard that the first time always hurts a lot, but I don’t want to stop. Kenny starts to prepare me with one hand and play with my stomach with the other_

“Stop, you are tickling me” I say laughing

“Your laugh is sexy, hehe”

_When Kenny thinks is ready, he puts my legs in his shoulders_

“If at any point you want me to stop, tell me, ok?” Kenny says

“Ok” I say and take a big breath

_Kenny starts to go in slowly and it hurts, the more Kenny goes in the more it hurts, I start to cry and sob from the pain_

“Shit, I’ll stop” Kenny says

“No… Keep going” I say as I take one of his arms

“But…”

“Kenny… I need you…” I say with still tears in my eyes

_Kenny nods and keep going in, is like torture, but at last he is all in, Kenny stops so I can get use to him, he also bends towards me and hug me, we stay like that for a few moments until I stop crying_

“Are you ready?” Kenny ask me

_I nod and Kenny start go get out, the pain returns and I hug Kenny with all my strength, he gets half way out and then back in, start to cry again. We continue like that, every time faster, the pain at maximum, but… I start to like it, I don’t know at what point but I start to enjoy it, it’s so confusing, it feels weird, it hurts a lot… but I don’t want it to stop_

“Ke…nny…” I say between sobs

“Clyde…”

“Please… Don’t leave me…” I say as I cry harder

“I won’t… I will always be with you… I love you Clyde”

“I love you Kenny…”

_Kenny grabs my dick and jack me off, we moan as he goes faster and faster until we finish together, he inside me and I on him. He fell on me, both without energy to move_

_Kenny pets my hair and kiss me, we both are heavy breathing, we pass out in each other arms…_

* * *

_When I wake up, everything is where it’s suppose to be, we are both on bed in underwear, Kenny is hugging me sleeping with a smile on his face, it make me smile too, I got off bed and dress up, I kiss Kenny on his forehead and leave through the window, I walk to the main street and then to the highway leading out of town, with South Park being a small town it didn’t took me long. I walk a few more minutes and I reach my destination the bridge above the river, I walk near the edge and stop_

“So, this is it” I say as I look to the sky

_I close my eyes and remember my life to this point, me being a kid with everyone, the guys calling me fat, being pirates, being the most attractive boy at school, me killing my mom, my dad becoming harsher, the depression, my Christmas with Kenny, the nightmares, the white tulips, the lemon bars, getting kick from my house, living with Kenny and our first and last time…_

_Tears started to flow_

“I’m sorry Kenny, but I can’t… I can’t keep going…”

_I took a step towards the abyss and the time slow down, who will miss me? David and Thomas will probably take it very hard… I haven’t spend time with Craig and the rest in a long time… Craig will probably take it bad, but will recover soon enough, Tweek will have tons of panic attacks, I’m sorry Tweek, Token will try to analyze why I did it, that’s how he will cope with it and I will fuck Jimmy’s mood, he won’t be able to write jokes or perform well in a while in a while…_

_I wonder if my father will get happy, he hates me, so I guess… And Kenny… I’ll miss you Kenny… I already do…_

“I love you Kenny…”

.

.

.

.

“CLYDE!”

_I heard as somebody took my arm and stop me for falling_

“Kenny…” I said as I look up

_It was Kenny, he was trying to pull me up with one arm and holding on with the other_

“Don’t worry Clyde, I’ll get you up” He said trying to look strong

“Kenny, why…? Let me go, you are going to fall”

“Fuck that, I won’t let you fall”

“Kenny please, let me go, let my stupid life end”

“NO! I don’t want to”

“Kenny…”

“Clyde you are important to me, you are important to lots of people and your life is not stupid, you are the best fucking person I ever met, you are so good that you even hurt yourself to help anyone, even people who hate you”

“But…”

“I love you Clyde, David and Thomas love you too, Karen and Kevin too, your mom love you too, so please Clyde love yourself too”

“Love myself…?”

_Kenny started to lose grip_

“Clyde, I’m going to pull you with all my strength, and I need you to grab to the bridge and climb up, ok?”

“I…”

“Ok, 1, 2, 3!”

_Kenny pull me up and I barely manage to grab, it was difficult, but I manage to get back up, Kenny lay down on the bridge very tired_

“Thank god man, I was very worried” Kenny said

“Kenny… I’m sorry…” I hug him and cry on his chest

“It’s ok, don’t worry” Kenny said as he pets my back “Come on, let’s go back”

_We started to walk back, Kenny hold my hand as we walk_

“Ken, I’m sorry”

“You don’t have to, I know you have been through a lot recently. I’m sorry for not taking care of you properly”

“No Kenny I…” I tried to say

“Let’s stop or we are never going to finish”

“Ok…”

_We keep walking, we were almost back in South Park_

“Hey Ken, how did you find me? I was sure you were sleep when I left”

“I had a nightmare”

“A nightmare?”

“In it you die by jumping of the bridge”

“What?! How is that possible?”

“I think that you have someone who is looking for you from above”

“Above? You mean my mom?”

“I think so” Kenny said smiling

“I see…”

“Hehe, yeah. She didn’t give me time to dress up”

“What?”

_I look at Kenny and he was still on underwear the only other cloth he had was his parka_

“WTF Kenny? You don’t even have shoes, you are going to get frostbite”

“Is ok, I can handle it”

“Fuck no, I’ll carry you, get up” I said and kneel down

“You think you can carry me?”

“You might be tall as a lamp post, but you weigh like a feather”

“Ok, if you insist” He said and climb up

“See, you weigh nothing”

“It doesn’t matter, if I get bad, I’ll just die and reborn in a new body”

“Don’t say that, I don’t want you to die, is horrible when you do”

“Hehe, I don’t want you to die either, that dream make me want to kill myself permanently, I can’t see myself without you”

“Kenny…”

“I love you Clyde”

“I love you too Ken”


End file.
